Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
