I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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