Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
