She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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