..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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