Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
