That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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