she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
