i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
