I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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