I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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