What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
