well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
