Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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