there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
