I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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