Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
