butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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