my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
