My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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