.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
