Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
