You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
