Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
