we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
