hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
