Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
a search helicopter?!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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