Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
