If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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