Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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