He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
