fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
