wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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