we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
handjob tips. give me some.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
