just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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