I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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