so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
