So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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