A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
