for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
