bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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