Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort