Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
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James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.