Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.