Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.