can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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