i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
