what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
