yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A bitchslap is in order.
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