But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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