I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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