yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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