There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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