Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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