He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
