..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
