You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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