I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
