I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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