1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
