so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
