Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
