i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
