Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So vagazzling was a success
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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