Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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