Dual....:-)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
