her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
COCAINE IS GR8
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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