last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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