3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
