im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
