They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
