Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
