Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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