my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
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Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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