youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
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Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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