I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
