i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
