I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
