sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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