Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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