Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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