What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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