they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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