I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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