Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
