Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
