On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
