you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
