so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
