i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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