plz talk dirty to me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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