they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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