she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
